The Answer is People

Including You

“Friendship is everything.”

The Godfather - Mario Puzo

I’ve lived in three different states. Have had numerous residences. Worked a plethora of jobs with multitudes of friends and enemies. But, nothing has prepared me for aging. The worse part, contrary to popular belief, is that it is a mental game. No, I’m sorry, the worst part is the people.

Of course, let’s be clear and honest. I have this Love/Hate relationship with people. As I’ve gotten older, through moves and job changes, the number of people close to me in my life has definitely dwindled.

What I am facing, as I believe we are all facing, is that one of the top things we can do to minimize the aging struggle is to connect and socialize. People, at our basic core, are social animals. And we are probably going to be socializing with a whole new set of people.

Friendship and Loneliness are two sides of the same coin.

Friendship gets complicated as we get older. Not because we stop liking people, but because people start… disappearing. They move away, get busy, get sick, or quietly exit the cast without a farewell episode, a parting kiss, the last laugh or a loving goodbye.

When you’re young, friends are everywhere. School, work, neighbors, random people who like the same music or ride the same train or drink the same coffee. Friendship just happens. Later in life, it requires intention, scheduling, and magical transportation. And time. Who has the time? And where exactly do I meet these “magic” people?

We’re told to “stay connected,” as if friendship were Wi-Fi. Just stand in the right spot and suddenly, there’s reception, like rabbit ears on an old TV. But, real connection is awkward. It starts with, “Hi” and risks hearing, “Hello” back. Then, what???

What we forget is that friendship at this stage doesn’t need to be big. It doesn’t need history or shared trauma or matching calendars. It just needs recognition. Someone who sees you and doesn’t rush past.

Friendship in later life isn’t about filling time. It’s about sharing presence. Sitting together. Walking slowly. Saying, “Remember when?” and “How are you really?” and letting the answers take their time, the smiles linger and the moments happen.

And, if we’re not careful, loneliness sneaks in not with drama, but with silence. The phone doesn’t ring. The calendar bulges with empty space. You start talking to the TV, not because you’re confused, but because it never interrupts, never challenges, never questions, but never answers you either.

Loneliness isn’t a failure. It’s a signal. It means you still want connection. And wanting connection means you’re very much alive and remarkably human.

However, needing something requires asking, and asking feels like admitting you’re slipping. And who wants to admit that?

We are faced with not only making a commitment to another person, but to ourselves as well. Can we still do that? Do we feel worthy enough in our aged and more fragile (emotionally, physically and mentally) condition?

It’s hard. And it’s all hard. Friendship or Loneliness. I’d choose Friendship, but I have to live with Loneliness sometimes.

Thank you. I’m doing ok. I’m not really looking for advice as much as just sharing personal observations.

Nevertheless, feel free to check on the Seniors around you. They’ll appreciate it. They need it, but they’ll never admit to it.